Hope Love Regrets Self Realizations Uncategorized

Some Time Later

I always wonder why we still bump into each other when we want to forget each other. You told me you burnt the letter I gave you because it reminds you of me. I didn’t know what to react that time because I already learned to forget everything about you. I just don’t understand why we should meet again. Everything was unclear and it was as if I meant nothing to you. Honestly, I didn’t feel the love you were talking about. Was it just because I was back to being cold-hearted or your efforts were not just enough? In the first place, I didn’t know how I fell for you. If love as they say is something you can’t explain, I think it has always been true. No matter what I do, I cannot come up with any acceptable reasons about what I felt for you. It just happened.

When you asked to meet again, I was quite hesitant. “Where will this lead to?” That was the first thought I had. When I saw you again after a long time, I didn’t feel anything. I mean there was neither spark nor awkwardness, just nothing – an empty feeling I myself can’t fill up. You acted nice, quite different from before. It was a good thing you acknowledged your mistakes but apologies were futile already. I wanted those from a long time ago but they meant nothing to me now. I somehow felt you wanted a second chance. I was afraid of that thought because I might get hurt again. But I really don’t know why I can’t think straight. There’s a part of me that says I should go on without you but there’s a big part of me that says I’ve been waiting for you to come along. I knew it too that I’d choose the latter. My foolish heart, really!

But why? It’s still the same. I still demand for efforts you couldn’t afford to give. I still go after you when you’re not showing up. I still long for your presence even though you don’t feel the same way. You’re telling me you love me but I can’t feel it. Why do I always feel neglected when I always think about you? Why do I always want you when you can’t even be here? Do I demand so much from you or is it just you’re not willing to give me the efforts I deserve? Maybe this is what I get when I let you feel that I love you.

It’s impossible that you can read this but if you do, I hope you’ll appreciate. I’m sorry for demanding efforts from you. Maybe I just don’t get to accept the fact that I really mean nothing to you, because if I do, you would do what it takes, right? You are the last chance I took for the game of love, but I am just a big MAYBE in your life.

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