Courage Freedom Hope Journey Life Self Realizations

Specular Reflection

I am looking at someone in the mirror with no particular thought in mind. I’m just staring blankly into a woman who seems so lost and confused. I want to hug her even though I’m not certain what she’s going through. I just feel she’s too tired but she keeps on trying hard to be fine. I’m seeing a woman with so many scars (most are hidden and deep). I wonder how she is able to keep going despite the sadness that I’m seeing through her eyes. She is like a beautiful tree, slowly bending her branches to sway with the wind and surrendering all her leaves to the ground. She is gradually falling and it seems that nobody is willing to catch her.

She’s looking from afar, searching for a distant star that can hear her pleas. She hasn’t spoken any word but her silence speaks it all. You know that familiar being who has so much to say but got no right words to describe how she feels, who has so much to cry for but tears were already dried up? I think she is so much like that right now. I wanted to tap her shoulder and listen to her woes but I just don’t know what to tell her. I might deepen the wound and worsen the pain. I am just not in the right position to lessen her agony. I can’t be for I too, have my own pain to face.

I tried to walk away and turn my back on the mirror, just to avoid her face. Something pulled me back and when I turned my face, I saw the tears finally rolling down her cheeks. She’s crying…silently. Those blank stare, agonizing clutches on her chest, beseeching look… indeed a damsel in distress, but why can’t I hold her and tell her everything’s going to be okay? Why do my words of comfort cannot come out in this very moment?

Apparently unnoticed, my tears have started to weep for her. I am aware that the woman in the mirror is me but she’s far different. She has lot of baggage on her shoulders, too heavy to bear. Finally, her lips started moving as some words came out.

“I’m still carrying your pain from the day you were born until now. Do I look pathetic to you? Then why didn’t you unload some of the baggage long before? I will never be freed from this despair unless you stop walking away and leave your things unattended.”

“Don’t you think I’ve always wanted to walk away? Have you ever thought of the many fears I have to conquer just to go out there?”

“I know. How can I not know? Your fears are mine too. No matter how heavy your burdens are, I am very much willing to carry them for you. Stop running away. It’ll get you to nowhere. You will always be lost but I’ll always find all means to find you. Don’t you get it? When you feel like no one is with you, you still have me. I am you. Hang on there. We’ll definitely get there. Trust me. Trust yourself this time.”

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