Adulthood Courage Hapiness & Contentment Hope Journey Life Self Realizations

Beneath it All

One can never surmise the power of emotions, the way how they control someone. The manipulative and confusing maneuvers of these feelings bring uncertain amount of indecisiveness. They are fleeting and fickle yet they can bring elation and depression. No matter how someone would try to suppress them, it only ends up in battle never won.

I am known to be rational and linear but when my emotions start to control me, my mind automatically surrenders (as if it has been its slave ever since). There are certain beliefs I have long withheld but can only be overturned by emotional irregularities. There are moments when I know it’s not the right thing to do but I feel that I can be happy through it, I’ll do it, then regret it. Sometimes I tend to love how I become happier when I do things beyond my sphere of habits but when I really think about it, it has never been worth it.

They say, linear people are the hardest to love. Well, I can agree to that (given the experiences I had). We have our own way of thinking, almost untwisted. We don’t argue verbally but inside our minds, the argument is over (and believe me, we won it). Likewise, before you have uttered your first word, we have already formed an image of you based on the conclusions and perceptions we have formulated. We tend to be judgmental and dubious of whoever we meet, always criticizing everything our eyes have seen. People oftentimes label us as the unemotional ones. We rarely show emotions. I don’t know the reasons of others but on my part, I just don’t feel empathetic. I don’t know if something is wrong with my temporal lobe but I feel disassociated with everyone most of the time. I know I’m not typical but sometimes being one creates a lot of questions. In the end, I still choose to be the same person every day.

I’m not into opening up a portion of myself to anyone. It burdens me so much that I have to keep everything to myself. There are just some things that are sacred and are not meant to be shared. My life, no matter how dull it seems to others, is a product of how I molded myself despite what I went through. It’s not easy to build a life that need to be fought for, for the rest of a lifetime. I’ve tried to walk away from it, or to even deviate from the road that leads to it but I always end up coming home to where I really belong.

I am alone but not lonely. Isolation allows me to grasp for a wider perspective of the things I just merely observe. I have emotions but I just choose not to let them in most of the time. My mind now starts to stand on its own, striving to devour the ever-conquering emotions. I learned that emotions do not necessarily make someone human, sometimes it’s just the choices we make out of the numerous reasons that lie ahead.

My linear mind state now says it hopes that others too can put up a life of their own.

4 thoughts on “Beneath it All”

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