Hapiness & Contentment Self Realizations



Dear heart:

Would you mind stop beating for a while? I’m too tired of so may frustrations – unanswered prayers, unfulfilled dreams, broken hope, and lost soul. All of these continue to connive with one another to make me miserable. I’ve been fighting them, trying to look at the positive side of life but I’m too tired already. I’ve already given the best in me but it seems it will never be good enough. To be rejected many times in something I’ve been wanting so much is more than death itself. “Maybe it’s not for you”, my friends would tell me. A cliché response to that particular situation. But why is it that others who are not even capable and qualified got that self-coveted spot? Do you know the feeling of being used to rejection but is still hurting you?

My life is a mess. Everything is not going on my way. I know what I want but it seems it won’t be given to me. I’ve asked for it many times, exerted efforts to grab it but it looks like everything in my life now is a mistake. Every day when I wake up my self would ask me, “You’re still alive huh?”. Maybe it’s a reminder that I’m becoming useless each day. I am that someone who has big dreams but hasn’t achieved something and someone who has high hope but hasn’t been certain in anything.

I’m jobless because I want a life I deserve but I don’t even know if it’s the one meant for me. People are even curious about why I didn’t pursue a job related to my college course. “It pays well”, they say. A well-paying job can feed my family, satisfy their needs and sustain their lives… but it’s not the job that I want. No one ever asked if I wanted that course in the first place… but that was what we can afford. I want to be someone else but making my passion as my profession, I’ll surely receive less. I will be happy but my family’s hungry stomachs are uncontrollable. You know, I don’t want to die unhappy. Is it wrong to think of myself first, even just for now?

That’s why dear heart, don’t ask too many questions. I’ll just hurt you even more. Would you really mind stop beating for a while? Maybe the world will forget about me. Maybe the people will forgive my mistakes. Maybe the universe will make a way for me. Maybe the stars will shine for me. Maybe the doors will open for me. Maybe the roads will lead me. Maybe heaven will cry for me. Maybe when I wake up, I’ll be a different person – stronger amidst the storm and faithful amidst the doubt. Maybe…maybe…maybe.

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