Courage Hope Life

Magdalena

magdalena-thespokensilence.com

My stepfather raped me when I was eleven years old. At a young age, I suffered extreme sexual abuse with the man I thought would love and raised me as his own child. I was wrong about this and my life became miserable whenever my mother was not around. I told my mother about the abusive act of my stepfather but she didn’t believe in me and she favored the lies of my stepfather. I was horrified that she didn’t believe me. My own blood denied my accusations and it hurts knowing I’m her daughter in the very first place. I abandoned our house that night with tears in my eyes. How I wished my real father was still alive, yet he’s dead and he left me in an unexpected way.

My father died way back in a car accident. He was hit and ran and the sad part of it, the suspect is still not yet convicted from the crime. My mother found a new love after a year my father had ceased. She had easily moved on from my father’s death while I was still hurt about his leaving. We moved from my stepfather’s house and that’s the start of my nightmare. He consumed my young body and threatened to kill me if I told my mother about it. I was scared of him but in the end, I took courage with me and told my mother about the sexual abuse. Sadly she didn’t believe and she favored her new husband while I turned to be a liar on her eyes. Those moments pushed me then to abandoned home and ventured my own way of living without them on my side.

I don’t know where to go that night. My feet brought me to the fish port. My soul was weary and I wanted to end my life by drowning myself in the depths of the ocean. I was about to jump to the water when a hand pulled me back and grabbed my waist. A stranger was still in awe as he stared at me. He told me not to end my own life and instead, I should not lose hope with my life. The man left afterward, and he was right from what he had said. I should not lose my hope in dealing with the struggles of life.

I was a maid at the age of twelve. I stopped on my studies to sustain my daily needs. A wealthy family helped me by accepting my plead to be their maid. The Tesera family was kind and good to me. They never treated me as only a maid but also a part of their family. Mrs. Tesera was generous and a mother with a good heart. She raised her children with respect and love. How I wish my mother was just like her. I stayed in this family for almost 3 years until an unexpected incident happened. Mrs. Tesera died with lung cancer and those were the start of changes around the house. After her death, I found out her husband had an affair with another woman. Poor wife his husband cheated on her even before she was still alive.

At the age of fifteen, my body was transformed into a woman figure. I have grown up into a fine lady. No wonder Mr. Tesera looked at me with lust in his eyes. I saw him many times looking at me like he’s undressing me inside his mind. My woman instinct never failed me as one night, he entered on my room. I was sleeping when a hand touched my breast. My consciousness was awakened as I saw him beside my bed touching the other parts of my body. I was scared at that moment but I tried to go out of my room but he caught me. He threatened to kill me if I made a noise. For the second time in my life, I was raped. Every night he consumed my body and history repeats itself as I remembered my stepfather. I fear for my life but I don’t want to be a slave of sexual abuse for the rest of my life. I found a chance for my escape and I ran away from Mr. Tesera’s abusive hands.

After my escape from Tesera’s residence, I found myself in the squatters of Malacad. I had no money when I ran away from those family. Hunger was terrible that I came to a point I looked food inside the garbage can. I wondered why life was so unfair to me. I seldom questioned myself what’s wrong with the world and people around me? I looked for a job to satisfy my hunger but then I found nothing. I never lose hope one day I’ll find a job and then a lady approached me and offered me a job at the club she’s working with. I grabbed the opportunity without any single doubt in my mind. I’d rather dance in front of many men than to suffer from starvation

My new job was not new to me, yet somehow I’m used to the eyes that watched over me as I danced on the floor. Those eyes that stared at me were the same as my stepfather and Mr. Tesera. Their looks were undressing me and wanted to caress my whole body. Human lust I guess was difficult to control. I’m used to this kind of job and I earned money easily. The job was too easy for me as I no longer bothered by the ambiance of my working place. I realized I had no longer have a respect for myself for I allowed myself in prostitution but then I had no choice that moment.

I met a guy who treated me like a decent woman. I never imagined someone would do that for me. I quit on my job and followed his advice to renew myself. He was right and it’s not too late to start a new beginning. The man who saved my life in the fish port and the man I met on the club quite related to each other. I don’t know how it happened but maybe it’s just a coincidence. I made up with my mind and decided to come back home after for so many years. It’s time for reconciliation as I realized I need to let go of the burden and hatred inside my heart for a long time.

I found my mother crying in front of my stepfather’s coffin. He died from complications of diabetes. My mother was again a widow for the second time around of her life. She saw me standing beside the door and she approached me while crying. I hugged her tight as tears started to pour within my eyes. I forgive her from her shortcomings as a mother and I also apologized for my sudden leaving. The burden and hatred that I carried within my heart are finally gone. Forgiveness and love overcome the dark part of my past. I’ll start a new beginning together with my mother. The stranger was right: it’s not too late to start a new beginning.

Starting a new beginning was not that easy I thought. Some people still judged me from my dark past. They simply judged me as if they knew my whole story, but I guess people are just like that nowadays. I don’t mind what they say and think about me. I continue fixing myself to be better every day. I found myself serving in the church near our town. I shared my story and experiences with the youth there. I’m glad knowing they’ll learn a lesson from my story and be inspired by what I’ve shared about them. As of now, I still continue my duty as a servant in the church. I know the stranger I met in the fish port and club was an angel in disguise sent from above. His words of wisdom changed my whole life. I’m thankful for he lighten my weary soul that moment and I’ll do the same thing in the church by teaching the young people with words of wisdom that came from above. Now I know what’s the purpose of my living here on earth– to teach and lead the young one in the right path.

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