You might be surprised upon receiving this letter. It took 3 years before I reached out to you. I know that you are puzzled why I did not make any effort to find you so I could explain things to you. You left without a word. I did not stop you, and that broke your heart. When I looked into your eyes, I did not recognize any familiarity towards any emotions that can be mirrored through them. The silence that vividly described how you walked away was unknown to me. You’ve become a stranger to me. This was an honest mistake, Lance.
My mind stopped recognizing you. I did not remember you anymore – your name, your identity and who you were in my life. I was too afraid to tell you this because I can’t even accept it. I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. It has been eating up all my memories of you, of everyone else and even myself. I wanted you out of my life to free you from the hardships that are yet to unfold. I don’t want to bother you. You don’t deserve to be burdened because of me.
I am sorry Lance. I know that I’ve been looking for James (my ex-boyfriend). I was clueless about how it brought so much pain in you. He’s all that I can remember and I hate myself for that. I understand why you got tired, why you left. I’ve been wanting to see someone who already left, I’ve been remembering someone who is supposed to be forgotten. It was you who were by my side yet I can’t even remember you.
I am maybe in my last moments now. My memories are drastically deteriorating. While I can still remember you, please don’t see me. I might hurt you more because surely I won’t be able to recognize you. God knows how much I want to hold you, to tell you that I love you. I miss sharing stories with you, having nonsense talks with you, gazing stars under the bright moon, watching horror films, looking at the sunset and singing out loud. There are a lot of memories that I want to retrieve but my disease has already killed them.
It’s been a long time. I hope this letter will bring closure and peace between us. My mind had stopped remembering you but my heart never stopped loving you. I’m glad that you are the last memory I could recall. I want you to be happy even if that happiness does not include me anymore. I love you until my remaining memory.
With all my memory,