I’m drowning, drowning in the depths of my thoughts. Thoughts are wide as the ocean, thoughts as deep as the sea. I’m trying not to sink in the depths of my thoughts, but every time I do so the waves pull me back from the deepness of the water. I’m trying to breathe and endure the desolation of my own mind but can’t handle its pace from time to time.
Do you know what’s harder? You try to swim harmoniously with your own desolation, you try to float in the gushing thoughts that drown you deep within. Did you know what’s the hardest? Battling with your own self, battling with the demons inside you. No one can hear you when you scream, no one can hear you when you cry. You are being eaten by your own misery, tragedy is waiting on the other side when you allow him to tighten its hand around your neck. And the moment you let him tighten his grip around you suffocation continuously drag you into death.
I’ve been here before, I’d been here many times. Half of my entity is almost suffocating. I’m always fighting this desolation, this dilemma, this shadow of darkness that pulls me to the unknown world. A world full of isolation, a world full of pain and agony, a world full of darkness. Until now I’m still drowning and suffocating in the battle of my own thoughts, yet somehow lights sometimes sparkle on the other side, making me see the other world full of stars. The hardest battles I guess are battles that no one could see but only yourself. This battles will never stop, and nor am I will never stop holding on until I find peace deep within my soul.