Renaissance

The Confession

“I am in love with a married man.”
A long silence prevailed.
“We’ve been together for a while now.”
Her words stunned her. They’ve been childhood friends and Betina has always lived morally upright.
“What has gotten into you, Bettina? This is not right. You should’ve avoided him from the first place.”
“I became happier because of him.”
“The idea of becoming happier is good but did you think of the man’s family? You are destroying a sacred relationship.”
“It’s been haunting me Linda and every day of my life, I’ve been asking for God’s forgiveness.”
“Take action, Bettina. You must end it now so you can be at peace.”
“…be at peace.” The words kept on ringing in her mind. She knew she committed a mistake and her conscience has been very persistent in reminding her of that. Sleepless nights are now her loyal friends. She gathered all her courage to open up her well-kept secret.
“You know Linda, this is not an easy thing to do. Showing somebody my weakness and frailties is painful. Please don’t. judge me.”
“I’d like to hear you out, Bettina.”
“I was fully aware that he’s already married. We were good friends at first, constantly seeing each other. He was problematic about his life especially his marriage. I was there beside him, listening to all his worries. He’s been wanting to get out of that marriage. He doesn’t love his wife anymore, because he already fell in love with me. That was tempting Linda The feeling of romanticism brought new joy in my life. It wasn’t my intention to fall for him but he was a great man. He’s self-deprecating, idealistic and hardworking but his wife failed to see that in him. I agreed to be in this relationship because I wanted to.”

She stared into nothingness. Sounds of heavy sighs and falling leaves are the only audible motions. Her tears have overpowered her mind. She can’t hold them back now. The time has come indeed for the words to be freed from her heart.
“Linda, I… am having an affair with your husband.”
Linda was dumbfounded. A vacuum of uncertain mixed emotions can be reflected in her eyes. She was shocked, for sure. She’s not aware that her marriage is falling apart and she’s been playing a major part in that destruction. She wanted to hold her hand to console her best friend but she’s too afraid.
“I’m sorry. I really am.”
No response still.
“Please forgive me.”
“How can you do this to me? Why did you do this to me?”
“It wasn’t intentional. We didn’t see it coming. I am really sorry, Linda.”
“You had a choice! You always had a choice but you buried yourself to the most convenient situation which favors your desire.”
“We love each other.”
“You call it love? You betrayed me, destroyed my marriage and ruined my family! Love is not like that.”
“I know. I’m really sorry.”
“Sorry? Is that all you can say? You took for granted our friendship and traded it with a love that isn’t right and will never be right.”
“I didn’t mean it. This is why I am telling you about this because I want to be honest with you. I want to make things right. You’ll just have to trust me.”
“Trust you? Why should I? You just betrayed me. I’m not a fool Bettina.”
“Please… Your husband is very much decided to leave you. I just need more time to fix his mind.”
“You are a nun, Bettina! You are a servant of God. You could’ve left and gone away from him. You are selfish. You chose to feed yourself with his love. You forgot that he’s mine. May God forgive me for this. I wish for your soul to be burnt in raging fires of hell! Get lost Bettina! We are no longer friends.”

Only footsteps were left amid the trail. No more memories of a treasured friendship. Painful words of an enraged soul were written along the road. No more sweet exchange of happy thoughts. She watches her as Linda trods her way towards her car. She will no longer see her. Her confession might have eased her burden but she lost everything. Her dearest friend, and her integrity as a servant of God. How could she fight for the love that goes against the Divine Law?

She chooses the opposite road. Her footprints are embarking towards an uncertain place. She wants to disappear and be lost until the world will be oblivious of her. Only then, she’ll be found again.

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